I see: my laptop monitor, but beyond that.. my room wall plastered with MAC postcards and other memorabilia.
I need: to wash my face, brush my teeth, and get ready for bed.
I find: myself to be alone and lonely right now.
I want: to be able to be alone and not lonely.
I have: been wondering about some aspects of life lately. is it really all worth it? why do we keep at the same routines all the time? what's the point to it all?
I wish: i could find someone who understands me (well i know my best friends do, but i guess i mean that i wish i could find a guy that understands me)
I love: newly washed jeans because they fit better right out of the wash.
I hate: that i look like i'm 12.
I miss: senior year of highschool and last summer. it really was the best times of my life.
I fear: that i will be a lonely old woman with many cats who still lives with her parents.
I feel: kinda sad actually. but i really can't place the feeling. it's like sadness but not, nostalgic, but not... eh.
I hear: norah jones as background music, the sound of my typing, the whirring of my laptop, and the clink of my chandelier earrings.
I smell: the coconuty smell of my hair product, mm.
I crave: affection? yeah i guess so. that and some food cuz i've got the munchies.
I search: for the answers that i already know but refuse to accept because if i do, then i'll know that i was never good enough.
I wonder: why things turned out the way they did and why good things hardly happen to good people.
I regret: not being as strong as i thought i was. i just gotta keep telling myself "hang in there little buddy" but when will it ever be ENOUGH, ugh.

what a weekend. geez.

quick recap:
tanning on friday (well i tried anyway, but where was the sun?), movies at home w lex: without a paddle & dodgeball, work on saturday, rumble in ashley's dorm... well mainly it was us just bitching the FUCK out of everything, then to the tempe house for a kickback that was filled with quite a fair amount of drama that could have been done without, then this crazy girl gets trashed and dramablahblah, cops come and go, and finally i get home, then i had to wake up really early this morning to go to church with my parents.

today i watched 13 going on 30, and aww i liked it alot. i even cried like a baby, lol i'm such a sap. also watched some pimp my ride, damn xhibit is hilarious.

btw, jack johnson's new cd is bangin.

i had more to say but i don't remember anymore. but i should probably go try to study for my plant biology and economics midterms on wednesday. of course they're both on the same damn day.

whatever. spring break is a week away. although i'm staying here and not going on a trip (rocky point= OUT, san diego= OUT...booo), it should be nice and relaxing. i'm going to lay out and get a tan and just chill for a week and it shall be glorious.

yay!


Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Float along
Listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play
Do what the music say
You wanna kiss the girl

audio:: Sebastian the crab from The Little Mermaid- "Kiss The Girl"

holy march madness! damn time is going by so fast, wasn't it just new years or something?

so two full months are over for 2005, that leaves me another 10 months to make this year better than the last. honestly, i just can't wait for summer, because that's when everyone will be home, and there won't be classes and homework and i can sleep in and lay out by the pool and all that biznaz. holy shit summer hurry up and be here already!

well spring is almost here anyway, so that's just one season closer to summer. lol. yay genius anything more to say? lol. uh well. spring = my allergies are going nuts, but thanks to some handy prescription allergey meds, i'm doing just dandy. uh the weather is getting nicer, but the intermittent rain showers and offsetting because its arizona, dammit, it's not supposed to rain this much! i've never checked the weather forecast so often in my life.

um. oh yeah, i cut my hair again! one length hair gets boring reaaal fast. or maybe that's just me with my whole "i need change" and "it's 2005 baby" attitude. but yeah i got like 3 inches cut off, and then the rest is layered and texturized and all that jazz and i really like it, because it's SO much lighter and thinner than before and easier to take care of. plus blowdrying time is cut in half. also my hairstylist (i like her, maybe i'll stick to her from now on?) styled my hair for me, and she flipped all the ends out and at first i was thinking "ARGH FUCK DON'T DO THAT!" but it turned out pretty damn cool actually. so now i can flip my hair out, or curl it (bc shorter hair is easier to curl, since there's less hair, how's that for using my brain , eh? EH?) or i can leave it straight or whatever. DAMN why didn't i cut my hair sooner. plus, i think i'm done with the whole mindframe where i feel the need to have uber long hair since i was traumatized back in singapore by my stupid school. haha getting over shit is great. so yay new hair!

who's got an obsession with MAC cosmetics? I DO!!!!!!
um i think all my money has been going towards mostly mac items, and some clothes. ohhh fuck this isn't good. i seriously can't stop myself. all the colors are gorgeous, plus shannon lets me do her makeup so that's awesome! and because i'm a dork, i have a MAC wishlist, and a MAC what i own list (which is growing steadily, mind you) and blah blah blah. lol. the other day i was over at the freestanding store in scottsdale fashion square, and they were having their madame B. event, and i think i seriously charmed the pants off one of the MA's (there was another who looked like eva mendes, GORGEOUS) and she liked me so much (bc i knew wtf i was talking about, bitches) when i asked for a sample of a pigment (theyre not supposed to give em out anymore, bc of ebay's crazy sale/trade thing going on), she gave it to me!! i was so surprised!

haha. DAMN. MAC MAC MAC MAC MAC. oh yeah, and i have one of the new fluidlines, i bought blacktrack (regular black, and i intend on buying the rest... eventually) and omg its wonderful. lol can't say i've used it ALL that much bc i just got it, but for lining inner rims, it stays FOREVERRRRRRRR. except that when it gets in my eye and on my contacts, it stays there forever too. i think i was on the phone with lexi one time while i was lining my eyes and i blinked and it went all over my contact and i was like "I*^@)(#*&@!($#(*&$(@!*&!!!!!!!!!!!!!" LOL. no but on a more serious note, no more spending for me. not till i get a few more paychecks. or gifts of mercy from the money hoarders (aka parents).

random but i got a 94 on my calculus test. and FUCK YEAH i kicked ASS on that test. this is coming from a former math hater, thank you very much. so i feel the need to brag. MATH! MAC! MATHMACMACMATH! hahahahhahahaa.

turned in a shitty ass paper to my human event teacher today. stayed up to finish it but it sucks so bad that i was a little embarrassed to turn it in. fuck my writing + BS skillz are going down the drain!

saw the movie hitch, and i say, i wasn't expecting much... but i was pleasantly surprised. very funny, fairly good storyline (NOT like the other movie "the wedding date", that was shit) and some very quippy but true observations about love. the part of hitch came naturally for will smith, it was like he wasn't even acting. and eva mendes was pretty damn cool, very cynical about love in the beginning but it all changes when she meets the right guy. i guess that's what i'm hoping for myself. lol. boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!

haha my away message on AIM reads:

i want a boy
who's so drunk
that he'll hold onto me
like his last beer.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! props to val for the original message though.

kay enough babble for one night.


i read you
and god i'm good at it
i'm so spot on
chord shapes in air
go press that dissonance
if you dare
And you breathing in
finesse and innocent
from her partying

audio:: frou frou- "breathe in"